Friday, May 18, 2007

Operation: Enigma Intercept








Dear Anthemites,

I have ascertained an email. I cannot disclose how or who privies me this valuable information and I will not kick a gift horse in the mouth. Here is the email that was sent by Loki to a certain Married woman "Mims" who used to sing in the Choir.

Minister Loki: "The service was a disaster today Mims. I don’t know what happened in “Trading My Sorrows” but one of the pages was totally missing. Dammit! I looked like a complete fool. And that Herbert… that filthy, fat, bloated, self-absorbed, CROTCH. To make matters worse he pulled out all the stops on that stupid organ and drowned-out the entire band. I have no clue what in the HELL he was playing but it wasn’t the Praise song. He then totally ignored my cut off attempts, which made me look even more stupid. I could have kicked his fat ass right then and there. If it weren’t for his mother’s LARGE gifts to the music program in the past 20 years, he’d bee a gonner already. I knew when I accepted those recent gifts I might has well have tattooed she and Herbert's name on my chest with a header that read "Property of: Herbert and Momma Crotch"

"After the set, the pastor came to the podium and gave me a very dirty look. Well, he can go ta’ Hell! I am tired of tiptoeing around him. It was an honest mistake. Although my secretary is totally convinced she put every page in its place. Austin seems to think Herbert did it. I wouldn't doubt it one bit. Time to keep an eye on that fat preening turd."

I will keep you updated on what will be done with this information. Until then, know that the upper hand has been seized!

6 comments:

Herbert S. Crotch said...

I am extremely glad that the staff at my church, while trying to "keep with the times" in their musical ideology, are complete nincompoops when it comes to the internet. (As was I before I was introduced, coaxed relly, into this realm by my friend.)

It took the tech-man 2 weeks to teach Loki how to use his email without fear. At first it might as well have been pagan witchcraft to him.

But, because of his goofiness of all-things-electrical, I should be home-free. For a while at least...

The Boob Lady said...

BWAHAHAHA!! This was a hilarious post Herbert. Thank you for giving me a laugh when I needed it the most.

Mz Jackson said...

Keep your eyes and ears open at all times, Herbert! Enemies lurk everywhere...

Big Orange (a.k.a. "Uncle Moonpie") said...

"turd" is a funny word, unless it's being to described YOU.

I say keep up the good fight! You have created chaos in the camp of the enemy!!

The Stan said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
The Stan said...

Uhhhh....Hello?

Herbert?