Thursday, May 31, 2007

I Live! JA MAN!

Greetings dear Anthemites from the great World Capital of "the art of rolling doobies and being unemployed yet deliciously happy." A.K.A. Jamaica. I finally made it to a computer located under the shade of a certain "laid-back" Native in this beach resort who happens to own a computer that is as old and large as my mother who has accompanied me here. Each typed letter takes a grand total of 4 seconds to appear after typed. I've seen gas pumps process more expeditiously. Torture! But any trial is worth it for my dear readers. (Especially when the torture is accompanied by the sound of gentle waves and the savage tinklings of faint steel drums.)

We move to our second resort location shortly and I am sure there will be a computer there that isn't overloaded with obscene pictures of native women and lewd videos taxing the already fatigued peewee hard drive. No pun intended. HA! Oh dear me the delight of these dark and exotic natives has gone and made Herbert quite jovial. HA! Wonderful! I do believe in another life I would be a missionary here in this sunny land of delightful unemployment. I can only imagine what it must have been like to live in the medieval era here. Superstition must have been as rampant and wild as a Voodoo orgy under a blazing comet.

I fear my greed would have got the best of me and I might have made a killing on selling trinkets and relics. My riches would then set me up as a local monarch, feared as a god. The history books would have then been filled with stories of the powerful ruler of the province of "Jamacbert,” the great conqueror of the new world! Down lustful pride! Down I say! Whatever is wrong with me?

Oh dear me, it looks like I've been down wind of the bartender here who has been smoking something NOT of the tobacco family. I do believe everything looks a little more interesting. Look there! A crab! What a delightful creature! It is casting a small crab shadow on the sand! The shadow faintly resembles my dear old mother... I must investigate closer.

In a few days, you will here the story of how I managed to get a free vacation for my mother and I via the generosity of Loki, but until then, sit tight dear Anthemites and know that your dear Herbert is in good hands! ""JA WHOL MAN!"


Flannery Alden said...

I'm so glad you're enjoying yourself. We wait with baited breath for your tale of a free vacation.

Cool runnings, mon.

Doc said...

It sounds as if the sun, wind, and waves are doing you a world of good. Perhaps you should move just a little closer to your bartender friend and let the magic of the island flow through you even more.

Like Flannery, I can't wait to hear the tale of a swindled vacation from Loki. I know this is going to be good.


Anonymous said...

I'm so jealous, I can taste it.

Flannery Alden said...

Were you lost in the Bermuda Triangle? Speak to us, good sir!