Thursday, May 10, 2007

And So it Begins

The Ku has begun. I paid a visit to Loki today and he has notified me that they will be needing me in only one of the two services. This means that my already anemic and ungrateful salary will be cut in HALF. It is official; I am now probably the lowest paid organ virtuoso in the country and Loki is pure slime. He has also notified me rather curtly and with a serpentine smirk that the small and insufficient room that I was given to keep my organ supplies and Papier-mâché sculptures is needed by puffy-lip surfer-boy. I guess surfer-boy is now his full-time bitch-in-P & W-heat.

Oh dear Anthemites, the hot but brilliant, violent thoughts that began to run through my unfairly endowed brain at that moment. For the first time I felt the burning fire of the puritans, bloodthirsty for a Witch to roast. I felt the anger of Sampson surging in my bones and suddenly wanted to rise up and topple the entire building on his balding and chaffed scalp whilst roaring like Aslan of old. But, I kept quiet. I said only two profound words: “I see.”

Now that might seem like very little but much is said with very little from the greatest of minds. E= mc2 changed science forever. So when I say, “I see,” I DO, in fact SEE ALL. I see what is going on here. And I SEE into Loki’s confused and culturally disfigured, limping cortex. They are slowly trying to prod me out of my post by choking my supplies. Well, I have news. I have been storing up plenty of dormant energy for such a time and could probably go without food for a solid year and still have energy around my lusty and powerful torso to burn.

HA! Avast ye you musical pimps. I have not yet begun to fight. I am beginning to see that the only alternative is a counter-offensive. It will need to be extra-cunning because believe it or not, true imbeciles are hard to usurp. They can make terrible scenes destroying all of the subtleties of the cunning assailant. Just try to capture a wild and deranged kitten after it has clawed your Qashqa'i Persian rug from the 16th century to shreds. It is nearly suicide I can tell you. Like my deranged and berserk kitty, the late Princess Lilykins, if they act rashly they must be then be taken down messily and violently. I will keep council and begin my offensive soon. Stay tuned. Dark times await us Anthemites, dark times.


Flannery Alden said...

I bow my head in prayer in fervent hope that you will overcome. Godspeed, my good friend.

Mz Jackson said...

Press on, oh noble warrior, press on!

Anonymous said...

Maybe they all need a repeat of the crotch wack?? or is that too vulgar and low??

I too, wait with baited breath to see what mischiff you shall be up to!!

The Boob Lady said...

I can't wait to see what happens. Please keep us in the loop!

Susanne said...

I'll stay tuned to find out what happens. I think you should start looking for a church that appreciates your vituosity!